Favors, Strings, & Lies_Men of NatEx_A Package Handlers Novel Page 12

  I roll my lips together as I stare him in the eyes. Every fiber of my being wants to believe him, but I don’t always trust every fiber of my being. I try to trust my gut now. I’ve gotten better at hearing it—just not always listening to it. Right now, though, I hear it loud and clear and decide to go for it. He means what he’s saying, and I want to believe him. So I do.

  Closing the space between us, I kiss him to show my truth. To tell him that I’m in. “I believe you,” I whisper against his lips.

  “But?” he asks, backing his head away so he can see me.

  I didn’t realize that I’d implied a “but” in there, so I narrow my eyes at him. But then I think of two things I can add. “Well, I guess number one is that I want to hear about your ex.”

  He lets out a laugh. “It’s not that you need to know my actual name first?”

  I smile wide. “Nope. Not that. Not yet. Otherwise, I might slip around my family, and that little gem will have to wait until after the wedding. My mother and my sister are stressed enough.”

  “Okay. We can do that,” he says on a light chuckle. “And I’ll tell you about my ex. What else?”

  I take a deep breath. On an exhale, I let the words rush out. “I need my own life if there’s any hope of anything between us working out.”

  He looks like he wants to ask a follow-up question but isn’t sure where to start, so I explain further.

  “I’m going to run a marathon in a couple of months, so I need time for runs and workouts. And I have a successful career that keeps me busy. I have to make time for clients and business events. These things are important to me, and in order to be me, I need to make time for those things. Because I can’t—”

  He cuts my rambling off with a kiss. “I won’t let you lose yourself. You know why?”

  I shake my head.

  “Because I need time too,” he says, brushing my wet bangs off my forehead. “Time to adjust to being part of a couple again. Time to make sure I’m not going to freak out at something small and ruin everything.”

  I furrow my brow, but then it hits me. “I assume this has something to do with your ex.”

  He nods. Then he gently scoots me back so he can get out of the tub and scoop me out of it. When he sets me on my feet, he takes the towels off the rack and wraps us up.

  “Come on,” he says once we’re dry. Then he holds a hand out for me to take. “Let’s get warm and I’ll give you honesty about my past so you understand.”

  I take his hand in mine, and he leads me back to my bed. Under the covers, we tangle our limbs and get as close as we can, skin to skin, still slightly damp.

  “So,” I start, ready and waiting for his story.

  He looks up at the ceiling and pulls in a deep breath. “Well, when I met her, I fell fast. Hard. And, soon, we got—” His voice hitches, so he clears his throat and begins again. “We got pregnant.”

  I strain to keep my face neutral. This isn’t what I was expecting. Does he have a kid out there? A son or a daughter he hasn’t mentioned? Lying about dumb things is one thing, but omitting children is another.

  “But, after a month,” he continues, his eyes closed, “she disappeared. Just up and left in the middle of the night. And then wrote me an email a week after that to tell me that she’d miscarried and wasn’t coming back.”

  I release the breath I must have been holding. What in the actual hell? Who does that to someone? My blood boils at the thought of it, and I want to cry for all of the pain he must have gone through because of her.

  “It’s so fucked up, Cade. It broke me. I was a fucking mess, and I never fully recovered. I told her I forgave her when met up last week. She explained that she’d gone to rehab, and she apologized, but…” He trails off, inhaling deeply. “But I’ll never forget, and I don’t how to heal.”

  No wonder he so easily agreed to no strings. We’re both just as fucked up as the other from our pasts. But his takes the cake. Hands down.

  So I make a promise to him. “I’ll never do that to you,” I tell him, cupping his cheek. “Never. And we can heal together, okay?”

  He kisses me until my toes curl. Deep and bruising. Until there’s nothing left to do but reach over him to my bedside table and retrieve a condom. He plucks the foil package out of my hand, but before he rolls it on, he holds it up in the air, away from me.

  “These are just for our use now, yeah?” he asks, his brow furrowed.

  I give him a slow nod and then a gentle smile.

  “Good. I was hoping so.” He rolls it on and then says, “Here’s to going slow and healing.”

  With my finger, I motion for him to come my way. Then I say, with sincerity in my voice, “Lay it on me.”

  Chapter 15

  Matt

  When I wake up with Cadence in my arms, it feels like nothing could be better than this. Then I watch her while she gets ready in the morning and that tops it. Her graceful movements as she puts her clothes and her makeup on seduce me into a trance. But then we walk hand in hand into The Steam Room together for coffee before work and I realize that everything with her is downright amazing.

  “Whatcha gonna get?” I ask her as we approach the counter.

  She turns around to face me and walks backwards, still holding my hand. Her smile is free, her hair is down and wild, and white sweater makes her look professional but also just sexy enough. I love this look on her.

  “Coffee, a toasted bagel with grape jelly, and probably another coffee.” She giggles at herself and blows a breath upward that displaces her bangs, and it’s fucking adorable. “I kind of have a long day booked today.”

  “Nothing you can’t handle,” I tell her, squeezing her fingers and tugging her closer to me.

  She easily comes into my arms, and I swing an arm around her shoulders as we keep moving toward the counter.

  “Grape jelly gets me through everything. The coffee’s just because I like it.” She laughs against my chest.

  This woman and her damn grape jelly.

  This is what I’ve been missing. This is what I haven’t allowed myself to have. This is what I deserve.

  Happiness.

  With a woman I can trust.

  But the happy trust bubble bursts into shards when we get in line to order coffee and breakfast and I spot Joyce at “our” table in the back. Tears sparkle in her eyes, and her hair is pulled up into a ponytail—which makes her look much more like the Joyce I dated years ago. Which stops me dead in my tracks.

  “Hey.” Cadence waves a hand near my face. “You okay?” she asks. “It’s our turn. She needs to know what you want.”

  I look at Cadence and then, behind her, notice that pretty blonde I saw behind the counter when I was here last time. But I suddenly remember that I was supposed to meet Joyce here fifteen minutes ago, and with both her and Cadence in the room, I have no idea what to do.

  Cadence follows my gaze. Then she looks back at me. “Is that…”

  I nod in jerky movements. And then Joyce glances up and notices me. A smile breaks out over her features, but when she sees Cadence, it dies down a bit. Not all the way. She must actually be happy for me, but something is still wrong.

  “I’ll get you something,” Cadence says before giving my hand a comforting squeeze and heading back to the counter.

  I mutter, “Thanks,” around my shock and start my approach to Joyce. When I reach her, she stands up, but I wave her back down. “I am so, so sorry,” I say, standing at the edge of the booth.

  “I can see why you’d be so distracted,” she says, glancing at Cadence, who’s handing her credit card over to the barista. Then Joyce wipes her eyes with a napkin. “She’s really pretty, Matty. I’m happy for you.” She goes to tuck some hair behind her ear, but it’s pulled back, so it doesn’t accomplish anything. Just the nervous tick she’s always had, which causes pain in my chest.

  The woman she is now is so much more than the girl she was when we were together. When she ripped my heart out and took
it with her to wherever she went when she left with our baby. When she suffered through a miscarriage without me and left me a brokenhearted mess reading an email I shouldn’t have had to receive in the first place. But that was then. We’re here now, and she has no power to hurt me anymore.

  So I say, “Thanks. I am too,” and leave it at that. I don’t have to apologize for enjoying my life right now. I apologized for not being here, and I can make that up to her, but that’s that. “Look, we can reschedule if you’d like. You still have a few days in town, right?”

  “I leave on Saturday, but that’s okay,” she says, picking at the cardboard on her coffee cup. “We should probably just leave it like this anyway. Things seem good, you know?”

  I put my hands out to my sides. “I can at least get you more coffee. I owe you that, remember?”

  “Oh, I remember,” she quietly utters, which cuts deeper than she probably meant it to.

  But I don’t get to question it. Cadence appears next to me, two coffees and a bag in her hands. She hands me one of the coffees and sets the bag on the table.

  “I didn’t know what you wanted to eat, so I got a few things,” she says to me before reaching her hand out to Joyce. “Hi. I’m Cadence.” Her tone is pleasant. It’s probably the professional one she uses for work. Not the one she really wants to use, but we’re adults.

  Joyce rises from the booth and grabs her purse off the seat. Hooking it over her shoulder, she shakes Cadence’s hand. “Joyce. Nice to meet you.”

  “I thought you might like a bagel, Joyce,” Cadence says, digging into the bag. “I haven’t been here yet, so I don’t know if they’re good, but you can’t really go wrong with bread and grape jelly.” Her side-eyed look at me isn’t missed even though I’m kinda freaking out.

  Inside, I’m melting over Cadence’s thoughtfulness and also attempting to work through a fried brain over these two women being in the same room. Not in a million years did I think I’d actually get with Cadence, but not in a billion years did I think they’d meet. Ever. So…yeah.

  “Oh, thank you,” Joyce responds, “but I already ate. I appreciate the thought though.”

  “Don’t tell me you love strawberry jam like this guy.” Cadence hooks her thumb in my direction.

  “Ugh, no,” Joyce laughs. “That stuff is nasty.” Then she pats her stomach. “Just full. But thanks.”

  Cadence grins at her. “Two for me, then.” Then she shrugs. “Or maybe you’ll learn to like grape jelly,” she says to me.

  “Maybe,” is all I can manage to say. Then I dare to take a sip of my coffee.

  “Well, I’m off,” Joyce says, securing her purse on her shoulder with her thumb. “I hope you two have a great day. It was great to meet you, Cadence.” She turns to me. “It was good to see you again, and thanks for the chat.”

  Before I can speak again, she breezes past us. But, before she’s too far away, she turns back.

  “Oh hey. Will you say hi to your grandpa for me? I always did like him and felt bad about…” She gazes at the ground. “You know.”

  I nod at her. “Sure. I’ll see him tomorrow night and tell him.”

  “Thanks.” She gives us a small wave and then heads out the door.

  “That was intense,” Cadence breathes out once Joyce has disappeared. “You okay? I’m sure that wasn’t easy.” She takes my free hand and squeezes in a show of support.

  “Yeah.” I stretch the word out because I don’t know what else to say. Then I drink some more of my coffee.

  “Seems like there was more to that than she let on, but hey. I don’t know her that well.” Cadence shrugs and sips her drink before pulling her bagel out and munching on it. “Want to sit?”

  No. No, I don’t want to sit with my new kind-of girlfriend in the place where my old girlfriend and I used to sit. No, I don’t want to think about there being more to Joyce’s visit than she let on. No. Just no.

  But Cadence isn’t Joyce. And I can make new and happier memories. So I take the seat Joyce was just occupying and have breakfast with Cade. And ignore the pull in my gut that tells me that she’s right.

  Joyce never makes things that easy. So what the hell else could there be?

  ∞∞∞

  Cadence

  Work, working out, and wedding. The three Ws have made me so busy for the rest of the week that, by Friday night, we haven’t spent any more time together. But I did make it clear that I need my own life. I need time to work toward running that marathon, and I have a lot of clients to juggle. Luckily, I closed on a house this morning, so this month’s bills are more than taken care of. One less thing to worry about while I’m spending the night before my sister’s wedding with her.

  “Cade,” Gina says, raising her wine glass as if to toast. “I really couldn’t have done this without you. You’re so organized and helpful.” Her gushy smile makes me think she should quit on the wine for tonight if she doesn’t want a headache tomorrow. And who wants a headache at their wedding?

  “Anything for my baby sister,” I respond, lifting my wine glass and touching hers with it in a cheers gesture. “I can’t believe it’s happening tomorrow. Where’d the time go?”

  She giggles, stretching herself out on her bed. “That’s what happens when you meet a guy and fall in loooove.” She sings the last word, making it way longer than it needs to be.

  I gasp and toss one of her throw pillows at her. “I’m not in love, Gina.” Not even the buzz of the wine will get me to admit that.

  “Say what you want,” she says, squeezing the pillow, “but I saw the way he looks at you, and I know what that look does to women like us. It’s why I love Paul so much.”

  I sip my wine. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Then I take a gulp because I’m going to need it to get through this conversation.

  “Okay, look.” Gina pauses the movie we were watching, sits up, and puts pillows behind her back to get comfortable. “Paul’s kinda boring. I know this.”

  My eyes go wide, but she rolls her eyes at me.

  “I know you and Mom think so too, so don’t even give me that.” She bumps me with her shoulder. “But he’s also very kind and sweet to me. He never forgets an anniversary or plan we make. He notices when I wear something new. And he always makes me feel like the best version of myself.” Tears start to form in her eyes as she speaks, and she grabs a tissue from a box next to our melting ice cream on her bedside table. “That’s what love should feel like, Cade. Love you deserve again. And I can see Brian being that man for you.”

  I blink a few times, wondering where all of this is coming from. But, instead of asking, I put my arm around my sister and squeeze her to me.

  “I don’t mean to be all sappy,” she says, “but I hurt when you hurt. And you were really, really hurt from your divorce. Then you threw yourself into all of these things like they were going to make you happy.” She sniffles and turns her head to look at me. “Do they make you happy? Does working long hours and running ten miles a day make you happy?”

  “I enjoy those things,” I admit, nodding slowly.

  “That wasn’t my question, Cade.” She pulls away from me and pins me with her gaze. “Do they make you happier than when you’re with Brian? At the end of the day, are you glad you worked the day away and ran circles around the neighborhood? Or would you have rather spent that time with him?”

  I take a deep breath, trying to rationalize my wine-garbled thoughts my brain before I say them and can’t take them back. “Those aren’t my only choices, and that’s why I need to do them. I can’t get lost inside a relationship again. That definitely does not make me happy.”

  “And you still haven’t answered me.” She wipes her eyes and sets her tissue on the comforter. “I get that you can do all of those things, but which one sets your soul on fire? You can still do them all, but be honest with yourself. What excites you the most? Selling another house, running sprints until you puke, or staying the night at Brian’s house?” />
  “How do you know I’ve stayed the night at his house?” I ask, wanting to tear my hair out every time she calls him that. But I don’t do that. I put my wine on the bedside table next to me so I don’t spill it instead.

  She gives me a look that says you can’t be serious—of course I know.

  “Okay!” I huff out, slapping the bed for emphasis. “Of course I’d rather spend time with him!”

  A grin spreads over her lips. “Then make sure you do that too. He’s not boring, but he seems sweet. And he watches This Is Us like a normal person, so he fits right into the family. So see where it goes.” She bumps me again with her shoulder and drinks from her wine glass. Then she sets it on the table next to her.

  “You’ll be happy to know,” I start, picking lint I can’t actually see off the blanket on her bed, “that that’s what we’re doing.”

  My sister squeals. “Seeeee? I knew it! Love.” Her sigh is happy and loud.

  I put my hands out in front of me. “Eh. Let’s not push it too far.” Then I drop my arms to the bed and slouch. “Let’s get through the wedding first, okay?”

  “My wedding or yours?” She rapidly raises and lowers her eyebrows like she’s being clever.

  “Oh please.” I lean over her and grab for the ice cream container. “I’d have to know his name to get married to him.”

  Gina jerks her head back. “What does that even mean? You know his name. Duh.”

  I freeze, my hand around the cold container. Oops. Did I just say that? Blame it on the wine. You’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re talking about. When I’m able to move again, I get back into my spot, shove a large spoonful of mint chocolate chip into my mouth, and shrug.

  “Cade.” She pokes me in the shoulder with a finger. “I have a feeling you meant that. What the hell is going on?”

  “It’s no big deal,” I tell her around the mouthful of ice cream. “I just…lied to Mom. That’s all.” Then I shrug again.